Danger, danger.

I contemplated suicide again last night.
I'm not trying to freak anyone out. I'm just stating a fact.
It was just one of those nights, I guess.
I feel stuck. I hate feeling stuck, because it seems as if there is no way out of anything, and that nothing good comes from any of the choices placed before me. I feel as if, ultimately, nothing matters. It doesn't. It really doesn't.
And I know I sounds really fucked up and angsty, but in re-evaluating everything around me, I really don't feel like I'm going anywhere.
I don't have money to pay my bills, I can't find another job to support myself, I'm miserable at home and I'm miserable when I'm not at home. I'm unhappy with the decisions I've made, but I know that I would've done something drastic to myself had I not made those decisions. I'm unhappy when I go to class, because I know I still have at least another three years in school. I'm unhappy with where my life is. I'm unhappy with where I'm going to be for a while. And I can't do anything to change that.
I can't move. We can't move. All my money for college is invested here. I can't drop out of college and work because my parents have invested a lot in my education. I can't find a job because I'm in college.
I'm unhappy. Unhappy, unhappy, unhappy.
I thought about parking my car in the garage and turning on the engine and just sitting there. I thought about driving off the bridge (actually, I think about this almost everytime I go to work, to be honest). I thought about slitting my wrists.
It would be the best decision for myself, but I know that suicide is selfish, and that it'd hurt my family.
I thought about death, in general. How one could cease to exist. I don't believe in God or the afterlife; I believe that those are just stories people tell themselves so that they don't feel so shitty when they think of death.

I thought about how my family would eventually get over it, though.
So really, it's not a good enough reason to not do it.
It's not a good enough reason to do it, either.